How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
