I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I am one with the molecules
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
