Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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