I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize