it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
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