I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
