I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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