my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
