We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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