i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
