That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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