This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
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I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
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Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.