Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations

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(563): View more from Iowa

I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.

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(970): View more from Colorado

bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.

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These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
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(703): View more from Virginia

I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap

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(678): View more from Georgia

He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be

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(260): View more from Indiana

You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.

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