Texts From Last Night

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  (815): View more from Illinois

  the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?

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  (815): the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest? http://tfl.nu/605y
  Replies (2) Good night (523) Bad night (1100)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy

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  (512): i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy http://tfl.nu/sv21
  Replies (3) Good night (682) Bad night (1809)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth

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  (919): I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth http://tfl.nu/uiea
  Replies (4) Good night (529) Bad night (2901)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out

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  (410): a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out http://tfl.nu/89tu
  Replies (40) Good night (1582) Bad night (7229)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.

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  (256): I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck. http://tfl.nu/xyly
  Replies (15) Good night (979) Bad night (5197)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?

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  (937): He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst? http://tfl.nu/5xe1
  Replies (67) Good night (1653) Bad night (25839)
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  (516): View more from New York

  Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice

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  (516): Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice http://tfl.nu/slww
  Replies (24) Good night (7073) Bad night (1409)
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  (516): View more from New York

  making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"

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  (516): making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage" http://tfl.nu/jy1p
  Replies (9) Good night (4732) Bad night (854)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.

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  (401): You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice. http://tfl.nu/tgfk
  Replies (2) Good night (2543) Bad night (966)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?

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  (313): At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely? http://tfl.nu/gf43
  Replies (4) Good night (2009) Bad night (1190)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?

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  (910): This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it? http://tfl.nu/41ta
  Replies (6) Good night (2192) Bad night (653)
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  (408): View more from California

  Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos

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  (408): Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos http://tfl.nu/v3p3
  Replies (4) Good night (1211) Bad night (553)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.

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  (405): I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society. http://tfl.nu/cbw1
  Replies (19) Good night (736) Bad night (1174)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.

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  (207): Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills. http://tfl.nu/z8zj
  Replies (6) Good night (819) Bad night (676)
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  (805): View more from California

  I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.

  (805): View more from California

  Why do I even exist?

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  (805): I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all. (805): Why do I even exist? http://tfl.nu/rs2d
  Replies (4) Good night (490) Bad night (286)

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