I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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