I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
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A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
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Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.