Texts From Last Night

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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.

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  (773): I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader. http://tfl.nu/8khu
  Replies (13) Good night (3923) Bad night (729)
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  (415): View more from California

  So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.

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  (415): So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie. http://tfl.nu/1hr1
  Replies (25) Good night (5938) Bad night (1161)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.

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  (917): she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could. http://tfl.nu/cj4q
  Replies (74) Good night (3996) Bad night (18124)
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  (845): View more from New York

  hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table

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  (845): hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table http://tfl.nu/l87u
  Replies (20) Good night (3335) Bad night (1578)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous

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  (519): Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous http://tfl.nu/zfcd
  Replies (10) Good night (5015) Bad night (986)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him

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  (203): apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him http://tfl.nu/3qi4
  Replies (9) Good night (1062) Bad night (3881)
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  (845): View more from New York

  you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively

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  (845): you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively http://tfl.nu/v9v6
  Replies (1) Good night (1919) Bad night (923)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.

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  (701): so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick. http://tfl.nu/5ub0
  Replies (12) Good night (3904) Bad night (908)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her

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  (319): Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her http://tfl.nu/ievl
  Replies (4) Good night (554) Bad night (2223)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.

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  (513): Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too. http://tfl.nu/c992
  Replies (4) Good night (995) Bad night (393)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..

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  (306): They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult.. http://tfl.nu/9g45
  Replies (2) Good night (987) Bad night (309)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.

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  (701): If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times. http://tfl.nu/s20h
  Replies (5) Good night (722) Bad night (322)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.

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  (724): that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar. http://tfl.nu/4gsa
  Replies (0) Good night (602) Bad night (234)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.

  (281): View more from Texas

  You're a hero.

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  (832): Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too. (281): You're a hero. http://tfl.nu/xn5z
  Replies (1) Good night (569) Bad night (397)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers

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  (605): Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers http://tfl.nu/23r1
  Replies (0) Good night (446) Bad night (493)

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