The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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