Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
