My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
