I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
