Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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