if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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