Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
