I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
