New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
