so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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