I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
