There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
