Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
