you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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