I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
