I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
