ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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