just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
