Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize