I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
