i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
