just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
