So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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