He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
