Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
