Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
