dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
