sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
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I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
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Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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