D3 body, D1 cock
you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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