at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
