Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
