Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
