so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
