I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
