im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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