:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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