I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
what day is it and did you see me today?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
