I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
