she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
