watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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