Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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