This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
