If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
