he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
