It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
