I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
