I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
