too bad you live with your parents still
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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