He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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