I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
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Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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