if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
send nudes
from the living room?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
