I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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