apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
