How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
